Sensibilities

What Bothers Me?

 

Batang Gangsters of DelPan Tondo recognized as "BG" or BadGuys
aged 12-21 years old
Photo by: Alberto B. Baruelo III

One of our family fotos: Summer in Langkawi 2012
My happy, safe and secure home.

Home has indeed the greatest influence in one's well-being. Taste, concepts, principles, paradigms, ideologies and even behavior are all shaped by our daily exchange of stimulus within this structure we are born into and brought up in.

Growing up in a household where things are made to seem safe and sweet was the perfect little world for a young mind. The food, the lifestyle, the culture and ways of life centrally revolved around a certain few members of this social circle that rarely gave regard to the outside world that this young mind had not yet fully appreciated to have existed until the later years.
Apparently, life felt that everything the world has to offer had already been realized not having to fathom that the very mindset imbibed had limited views down to this confined utopian world and had shaded the entirety of humanity. There were these concepts of good food, perfect quaint home, cultural travels to and from, fun visits to the doctor, indifference to price; but not those of hunger, homelessness, sickness, vulnerability and helplessness. Simply, the world was merely one-sided.

2010 Summer family foto with friends

Life in the much earlier years were about the mere self doing what one wishes without much thought. Years pass by and a bit of curiosity about those surrounding us say hi to our consciousness. Questions that were once about why the sky is blue, why the sea is salty, why this this thing is the way it is and eventually transcend into asking "how about the other"?

C. Wright Mills' work on the Sociological Imagination highlighted the significance of delving within to seek understanding of the self, his place in this structure and gauge his own faith. Mills, in his own words invoked this concept of sociological imagination and gives life to the concept saying: "The sociological imagination enables its possessor to understand the larger historical scene in terms of its meaning for the inner life and the external career of a variety of individuals… By such means, the personal uneasiness of individuals is focused upon explicit troubles and the indifference of public is transformed into involvement with public issues."   The author's sentiments speak of a higher consciousness, opening up the mind and the senses to phenomena and actualize the effects not just on the self but on society at large and shift from apathy to involvement.

View from Clementi WestCoast Home, Singapore
The Park Summer 2011

What bothers me? This is a question crucial in helping identify elements that drive, persuade and influence perception and eventually action. The question plays a role in picking out things that bring about threat to those valued.

I am a Filipino citizen. I am under the sovereignty of the Philippine government that is ought to protect and uphold my rights, but do i feel safe to walk along the streets, to stroll in public parks with ease or even drive without fear of being held up by officers with fabricated traffic violations? These could all be my petty little "troubles"- these being my private little issues but don't these seem to plague our society and torment our fellowmen?

Does it feel all right that beyond my home's iron gates are mendicants begging for change- a peso or two? Doesn't it send shivers when impoverished mothers carry in their arms a couple of months-old children exposed to the scorching heat, the dust and the smoke; not to mention is the risk of getting hit by fast moving vehicles? Does it not seem wrong that holes are dug up on roads everywhere lasting for months and increasing heavy traffic perfectly scheduled to take place during rainy seasons leading to floods too? How does it feel to find out that a friend has been mugged right in front of your university?

Batang Gangsters Joseph, JR and Onad posing for the camera
during a thesis documentary shoot on young delinquents of Tondo
Photo by: Alberto B. Baruelo III

How do we feel about driving along EDSA where drivers do not seem to know the word give way and instead live by the rule of getting ahead, that is always? How do I feel about fellowmen who claim to be advocates to change yet laugh at sexuality, condemn those misunderstood, ridicule and focus on the matter one thing is being said rather than what is being said and end up looking for someone to take the blame? How do I feel about advertisements in the Philippines defining beauty as being white when our naturally brown skin is the envy of pale-skinned Westerners?

It is but painful that our nation seeks change- that we claim we ought to find corruption and initiate value creation. We say we want freedom. We stage rallies. We impeach, out throw and depose. We say we hate dishonesty, but have we been truly honest with ourselves? We say we want freedom. We fight for it and yet when free, what do we do with it? Is it not we drift back and reduce our beings to mere objects ought to be directed? We act of of hate for things we do not fully understand. It is but our own arrogance, our claim to righteousness that causes our cyclical downfall.

JR in his domain in Tondo, Manila Philippines
Photo by: Alberto B. Baruelo III

 Emancipation from hang ups, from hatred, from pride and arrogance is indeed far flung. I honestly feel tempted at times to slumber back to indifference as awareness leads to vulnerability and helplessness. At times too I would remind myself of my plans of leaving this country behind and starting anew, but I can not deny myself to ask once in a while, why still feel something for this nation?

My being Filipino is rooted to my very being. Shameful I may find it at times due to all these things bothering, i can not flee away from this being.

"His living contributes, however remotely; to the shaping of society and to the course of history." are the words Mills uses to awaken. My living in shame, in disgust and hatred echoes. Although I rant about the rights I am entitled to but am left disappointed, I too have a responsibility to my country.

Taking little steps to acceptance shall lead the way to change in time.